Wtf happened last night?
by MessyHairedMutt
Summary: Ok its done First chap is very short so sorry but r&r thnx lee gets trashed and so does naruto enjoy
1. Chapter 1

**Wtf happened last night?**

The gate opened to allow a single person through, he was wounded, bleeding and barely able to stand on his own two feet. He staggered through and collapsed in front of his sensei who seemed mildly impressed, "Well your running wasn't bad and the way you destroyed that tree was…hhmm…adequate, but you still need some work on your leap", Lee would've lifted his head for a reply but he was too worn out to do so, all he could do raise his large bushy eyebrows in amazement, his fellow team mate Tenten then came to his aid, picking him up and dragging him to the nearest restaurant, she slumped him on the seat and sat opposite him, "You look like you've been twelve rounds with Neji again, you're practically a wreck" she remarked "Do I really look that bad?" Lee, asked just managing to heave his neck to look at her, "If your body was a house you'd be an insurance write off" Tenten said with raised eyebrows and a matter-of-fact look on her face, Tenten then ordered a small plate of sushi for herself and Lee; they ate in silence and drank in silence. Lee felt slightly better after the meal but only because he had some food in his gut, he left the restaurant alone and trudged back to his apartment. He slowly ascended the stairs and entered his own space. He lay awake for hours and pondered his situation whilst staring at the ceiling, "Did I do something wrong in the past?" he thought aloud, "Is Gai Sensei punishing me for some reason?" he then ceased his confusion and began to get rid of his sorrows the only way he knew of. 

Lee awoke back in his apartment with the most unlikely ninja asleep on his floor; Lee strained to see his uninvited guest but couldn't for the life of him see anything, his eyes then grew accustomed to the lack of light in his home and he came to see his living space. His contents of his wardrobe were strewn across his floor; his front door was hanging off his hinges and there seemed to be a tattoo on his shoulder, it was a scroll which read "Lea",  
"Who the hell is Lea?" he pondered loudly before slapping one hand to his head upon realising how much it hurt, the figure on his floor then stirred and made an lousy attempt at speech although what came out sounded like a dying animal, he kept making this sound until he gurgled,

"But I only had ramen in a cup I don't see why we should have to split the bill evenly" the identity of his guest then hit Lee like a slippery fish, Naruto was on his floor dreaming of ramen with probably just as much of a hangover as him,

"What the fuck was I doing last night?" Lee asked himself as he went over to his fridge and helped himself to milk, he finished drinking and sat back down on his bed with his head in his hands he then thought he spied something under his bedclothes he reached out and got hold of it, it felt like a cylinder, he pulled it from under his bedclothes just as Naruto woke up and stared at Lee,

"Dude…what the fuck hap…OW MY HEAD!" he clapped his hand to his head and groaned, Lee then spoke again,

"We're in a village…miles from anywhere…in a forest… could you please tell me…where the fuck I got this traffic cone" Lee pulled out what was under his sheet,

"Hey man it ain't a good night unless you bring a traffic cone home" Naruto then pulled out two objects from under his bedclothes, "it's the pink wig and Sakura's skirt and underclothes don't understand".

At this point they froze and stared at Naruto's findings in horror, there was then a terrific shriek from the bathroom, the two friends looked at the bathroom door, then at each other, then to their clothes on the floor and finally to the front door, bathroom door, each other, clothes on the floor, front door,

"WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES?" the voice shrieked again, the boys heard the bathroom door open, snatched up their clothes and belted through the door, donned their mismatched garments, down to the street and off down the down.

Panting, the two hung over ninjas came to a halt in an alley; barely able to talk from lack of breath they waited for their lungs to refill before speaking,

"Ok first things first, what did we do last night to end up with massive hangovers, a traffic cone, a tattoo which reads "Lea", Sakura's skirt and underclothes and to cap it all Sakura herself in my bath?" Lee was all over the place by now, his hair was out of place and his eyes were dreadfully bloodshot,

"How would I know man, I remember as much you do believe it" Naruto didn't exact look glamorous himself, his face was grey and drained of all colour, he had a black eye and a fat lip,

"Then we have to find out what happened, bad things tend to have happened the night before I wake up with a tattoo and a hangover" now Lee was getting hysterical and jumpy,

"Well first off you can give me back my outfit orange doesn't suit you and this blue flowery leotard…wait since when was your leotard blue with flowers on it?" Lee's leotard had always been green,

"That's not me leotard whiskers I wear green" Naruto shot back with a look that said "Well done Einstein" and "Don't call me whiskers" they then quickly switched outfits and continued talking,

"This leotard is too big for me…but on the plus side it really hides my thighs" Lee said whilst admiring himself in a puddle (again), Naruto rolled his eyes whilst listening to his strange companion, 

"Look what's the last thing you remember about last night?" asked Naruto gripping Lee by the shoulders,

"Well I remember a short meal with Tenten after my session with Gai sensei but after that it's all a blur" Lee tried to remember more but this made his head hurt more so then it did before,

"Right let's start by going to the restaurant where you had this meal and retrace your footsteps" Naruto started to walk staggering slightly but walking all the same,

"I should get you drunk more often" Lee said to himself "Your not usually this smart" Lee stopped talking to himself and followed suite.


	2. Chapter 2

**Back to the Start;**

Lee and Naruto approached the restaurant where Lee had been treated to sushi by Tenten or rather be what was left of the restaurant, there were two broken windows, a table outside the windows and the tell-tale signs of a bar room brawl, the two ninjas ignored this however, 

"I had just left after my meal," said Lee, retracing his footsteps "and then I went back to my apartment" neither of the two liked the idea of this as there was no telling if Sakura was still there,

"Are you sure you can't remember anything after that?" queried Naruto, the hair on the back of his neck seemed to be standing on end, something was wrong,

"Positive…wait…wait I'm getting something" he closed his eyes and tried to remember, "I remember…hey what's that rumbling sound?" Lee opened his eyes and looked around, Naruto then tapped his companion on the shoulder and pointed to the end of the street, there was a cloud of dust and Naruto and Lee didn't even have to look to see who it was.

Sakura was haring towards the two of them at breakneck speed with what looked like a thick stick of wood with something attached to it and a towel wrapped round herself, the two looked at each other and without a single word were off down the road, through the promenade and past a pretty young florist, Lee then doubled back and held out his hand,

"Hi I'm Lee" the girl then looked at her arm, she had a tattoo,

"Lee?" Lee then looked at his own tattoo,

"Lea?" he looked at her only to be yanked away by his orange clad companion and dragged through the village and into a small back alley behind a row of houses,

"We have GOT to be more careful she could be any…WAOOAHHH!" A fist smashing it's way through the fence behind them interrupted Naruto abruptly, a second fist erupted behind Lee and claimed him as well, however behind the wall Naruto was getting an even bigger headache then he had started out with and Lee was receiving a fistful of…well fist, eventually she stopped, gripped Naruto by the collar and shook him violently. Lee took this time to try and escape only to be dragged back into the commotion by the female who was seemingly tearing Naruto apart with her bare hands,

"I'M GONNA TEAR YOU APART WITH MY BARE HANDS AND YOUR NEXT LEE! " bellowed Sakura, everyone in a ten block radius of the yard they were in heard this and someone swore loudly this someone being Naruto, Sakura then stopped her psychotic beating and looked Naruto straight in the face,

"Why…the hell…did u take me on your…outing last night, only to have me end up in Lee's bath, with no clothes on and A BOTTLE OF VODKA!" it was amazing how easily she got agitated, she looked it too her face was red and her eyes didn't seem to have any pupils,

"Well that's kind of a funny story see…" his explanation was cut short by Sakura hurling his body across half the village; she didn't bother to ask Lee anything and flung him the same way. Naruto had a particularly nasty landing in a thorn bush; he managed to pick his way out only to be landed on by Lee, there was a nauseating crunch,

"Ouch…I think I've broken something" Lee looked behind him to see the branch he had heard braking and a dazed Naruto lying on the floor with his tongue flopped out on the grass and a torn sleeve, Lee rolled his eyes and wondered why his friend always wanted to lye about on the job, Lee got out of the bush and wondered what part of the village they were in, it then came to Lee's attention that they were in a certain someone's back garden, Naruto got up towards Lee and came to his side,

"Dude where are we…wait this looks like…" it then became clear whose garden they were in, she came out and glared at them both they couldn't however look back as her overwhelming chest obscured their view and their voices, Tsunade was well aware of this and decided to ask them why they were in her back garden,

"Well…what are you two doing in my garden…and how do you propose I regrow my bush" the two boys faces went red with laughter, Tsunade leant over giving the two one large view of her chest, an annoyed look crossed her face,

"Well…how am I going to regrow my bush" Lee was the one who spoke up but to no avail, he was still reeling from the fall and his lack of view and Naruto was no better, his eyes watered and his face was redder then it could ever be, then Lee burst out with the whole truth,

"I was really miserable after yesterday because I think Gai sensei is punishing me for some reason and then Tenten took me out for sushi and I was really sad so I went home but then I went out and I think I got really drunk because I woke up with a traffic cone in my bed and Naruto on my floor with Sakura's dress and under clothes but it turned out that Sakura was in my bath not wearing anything and then she woke up but we had ran out by this time and then we went to he bar where I had sushi to retrace my footsteps but then Sakura chased us into an alley and beat us up and threw us into your bush and then you came out and started talking" Lee gasped for breath after this long speech and Tsunade had to take a bit of time to take this all in, she then suggested something,

"Let me go into your subconscious, I'll find out what happened" she rolled up her sleeves and the two friends backed away, they didn't like the thought of someone inside their heads,

"We're fine thank you" said Lee backing away further, "besides it's such a lovely day I think I'll leave over your fence" Lee then scrambled over the wooden barricade and ran, leaving Naruto to deal with Tsunade. Naruto came out later with his hair standing on end and his headband askew, Lee was waiting for him outside Tsunade's house, Naruto saw him, went over and said, quite plainly,

"Don't ask".


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Lee and Naruto made their way through the village, battered, bruised and still pretty much hung over from their little escapade last night,

"So what did Tsunade drag out of your head then" asked Lee

Naruto shot back a stare that said 'If I told you I'd kill you' Lee took this to heart and shut his mouth. They walked on for a while with nothing returning to their heads except that same pain they got when they tried to remember something, a horrible event then occurred which Naruto wished hadn't, Saskue appeared out of nowhere and pounced on Naruto,

"Hey lover what a crazy night I had last night, you wanna come back to my place?"

His hand then caressed Naruto's thigh and he ran his finger up and down his prey's chest,

"Saskue…there's something I need to tell you"

Naruto grimaced, despite how much Naruto had against his rival he didn't want to hurt him anymore then he was (with a family dead and not that many people to relate to Saskue didn't have many people in his life, go figure) Saskue however was still smiling,

"Aww I should've guessed, it was just a drunken one night stand, that's ok it won't stop me from having you once in a while"

He then planted a quick firm kiss on his teammates lips and left, Naruto got up, dusted himself off, looked at Lee and kept walking, Lee was speechless but followed nonetheless. They reached yet another neighbourhood and went up to another door

"Why are we here, how the hell is he going to help us of all people",

The house they were outside of belonged to one of the more laid back shinobi in the village, Naruto rapped on the door, nothing happened, he tried again, still nothing,

"Looks like no ones home, let's try some place else"

Lee started to walk away until Naruto grabbed his shoulder and turned him around,

"There's one method we haven't yet tried Lee",

A grin spread across Naruto's face and Lee's face was drained of what little colour it had left,

"A penny for your thoughts?"

Inside the house the owner had woken up, it was three in the afternoon but he was very lazy and ever so slightly tired, he had barely reached the door when it flew out of it's frame, (fortunately Shikamaru had flung himself out of the way by now) hit his wall and broke in two,

"WHY THE HELL DID YOU TWO DO THAT TO MY DOOR?" Shikamaru threw off his dressing gown, under which he wore a small t-shirt and a pair of grey boxers,

"One, because you didn't answer the door and two, don't hold it against Lee he was just the battering ram "

Shikamaru then saw that Lee's head had been what penetrated his front door, his head was battered, bruised and it seemed like he had lost a tooth,

"Wait…that's my waffle" Lee said, ever so slightly delirious,

Shikamaru rubbed his eyes,

"Well so long as you're both here what do you want?"

Naruto dropped Lee and allowed him to recover on the floor,

"We wanna borrow your map of the village"

"What, why?"

"Why should you care man it's just a map"

"This is no ordinary map, my dad gave this to me, it shows the whole of the village including secret passages in AND out, complete with key, small mail boxes, temple icons and…"

His mouth closed as soon as he realised he had said too much and because Naruto had a grin on his face larger then when he had used Lee to smash through the door, Shikamaru went into the living room and came back with a small scroll which he threw to Naruto,

"Oh whatever just bring it back when you're done…AND GET MY BLOODY DOOR FIXED"

Naruto took the map and made his exit, Lee was conscious again and followed suite.

The two companions walked through town with Naruto looking at the map and Lee with an ice pack on his head,

"Why do we need the map Naruto, I have a migraine thanks to last night and you just so happened TO HAVE MADE IT WORSE!!!"

Naruto looked up from the map and began to explain,

"Tsunade found a lot more in my mind then I first thought, this symbol on the map is more familiar to me now then it was when I woke up at your place"

He then pointed to a symbol in an area of the map and kept walking with Lee (through a gate which led through to a fenced off area) the two stopped and looked around, they were in a field; they looked back down at the map and found they were at the symbol that Naruto had pointed out,

"So what does that mushroom symbol mean?" asked Lee

"It means mine"

"So Shikamaru owns this map" 

"No…it means minefield" the truth then dawned upon Naruto

"Oh…so he owns the field as well"

Naruto would've hit his dumb companion over his soup bowled hair cut head but decided moving at all was out of the question,

"This is the villages minefield on the outskirts, we're standing in a minefield Lee"

"What are we going to do? If we move we're dead but if we stay here we're dead…that's great odds"

A voice then yelled at them from across the field, a very familiar voice,

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TWO DOING IN THIS MINEFIELD?"

The boys looked to see Kakashi Hatake, Naruto's sensei, on the side of the field with Sakura, the two friends rolled their eyes, hadn't she caused them enough headaches already,

"We're just takin' a stroll…here…in the minefield…we're fine though"

Kakashi was behind them in a split second, he picked them up and leapt to the outside the minefield with one ninja in each hand,

"Sakura was walking near here and alerted me to your…predicament…now tell me what you were doing here"

Lee decided to fess up; this was all partly his doing,

"I think Gai sensei is mad at me for some reason, so after a small meal with Tenten yesterday I went home, had a small sleep but didn't feel any better, so after looking at the ceiling I went out and woke up with Naruto on my floor, a traffic cone under my covers and Sakura in my bath with a bottle of vodka"

Lee took a deep breath and then Naruto added in his small part,

"…and I found Sakura's skirt and underclothes next to me on the floor"

"Thank you Naruto for that…incredibly irrelevant piece of information…but what are you doing here?"

Kakashi raised his one visible eyebrow,

"We ended up in Tsunade's back garden, she then went into my mind to see what she could dig up about last night"

Naruto however didn't want to talk about what he had found out though; he cut across his teacher before he could speak though,

"The symbol that means "mine" meant something though so we went over to Shikamaru's place to borrow his map of the village, which we did, it lead us here and then you and Sakura came along"

Lee then clapped a hand to his head in pain,

"Dammit that hurts wait…wait somethin's comin back"

He closed his eyes and tried to remember, the others were listening intently to see if he came up with anything relevant, the images came flooding back to him.

(Cut back to last night)

Lee, Naruto and Sakura stumbled through the minefield, hurling kunai and shuriken at the ground, setting off numerous mines, some which detonated dangerously close to the three drunken shinobi, the three then separately broke into song,

"Ramen, Ramen fill up your face, the thicker the noodle, the better the taste"

This was Naruto of course with a song he had written on the spot,

"I'm a wanker, I'm a wanker and it does me good like it bloody well should"

Lee had always wondered what the next verse was,

"Nobody knows the trouble I've seen, nobody knows my sorrow"

Sakura's singing sounded like a tribe of banshees on a train with rusty brakes, Naruto continued to rock the night away whilst Lee and Sakura enjoyed some quiet time in a large crater left by a mine.

(cut back to current day)

The pain in Lee's head died away and he opened his eyes, Naruto, Kakashi and Sakura were looking at him still,

"What do you remember?" asked Sakura

"We were over there, in the middle of the field, you had the sake and vodka Sakura and Naruto was singing, we must've detonated half the minefield last night"

"So you three were all blind drunk last night, you went to the minefield and just went wild to put it bluntly"

Lee knew that voice better then any other, he turned around to see Gai Sensei standing in the trees he had heard the whole thing,

"GAI SENSEI!"

Lee ran to his teacher and got on his hands and knees,

"I am eternally sorry for my wrongdoings, I will do whatever task you ask of me, I know you are mad at me for this as well as the other reasons"

"Other reasons?" Gai looked puzzled,

Lee looked up,

"You mean all the exercises you have been me through lately weren't punishments?" Lee was confused,

"Of course they weren't, I was preparing you"

"Preparing me for what?"

"For the all you can drink buffet at the sushi bar, but that was last night"

Lee's face dropped and became very limp; all that had happened then became very clear,

"You came to the sushi bar but arrived too early as well as bringing two of your friends, you three drank the whole place dry, had a scuffle with the owner and stumbled off together, later that night we heard explosions coming from the minefield, myself and Iruka went to investigate but by the time we got here you had gone"

Lee then remembered something else,

"But how did I end up with this leot…"

Lee then recalled what had happened in the crater with Sakura, he quickly ran though the minefield to the crater, found his green leotard and came back,

"Well that wraps everything up nicely"

Kakashi smiled, although noone noticed as his face was almost completely covered by his mask,

"Not everything…"

Everyone looked at Sakura,

"What exactly happened to me last night?"

Lee quickly whispered into Gai's ear and looked slightly scared,

"Lee…what happened"

Lee then whispered the events into Sakura's ear…she froze solid for about two minutes flat, her face reddened………………and Lee was in traction for two weeks after Sakura was through him.

Reviews would be much appreciated

Hope you enjoyed the story  
I'm outta here peace

xxx


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